Adventures in Babysitting

Attempting to find someone to care for your babies when you return to work is a daunting task...in fact, it's a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. 

First, you have to get a name. This can be a surprising pain in the ass. Considering child care is a business you would think that these women would want to be found, but apparently that's not the case. Recommendations from friends, neighbors of family members, and word of mouth is usually how you find these people, and if not then you go to a website like care.com (this is where we're at now. Ugh.). 

Next, you call each person and get the basic information; hours, fees, do they have room for infant twins, is the location convenient, etc. If all those things work out, and the person doesn't accidentally let slip that she wears a coat made of human skin, the next logical thing to do is meet the person and see her home. Theoretically from talking to her twice and seeing her house (after she cleaned it all up because she knew you were coming, of course) you should be able to trust this stranger with your precious babies. Done and done,

Except there is a part of the process that you didn't really think about when you first started. One that personal/professional recommendations, the promises from accredited websites, and all the well-worded caregiver profiles in the world can't erase.

That part is called "Wading Through the Crazy," and it is bizarre and terrifying.

One woman we met was 50+ years old, with waist-length platinum blond hair, and answered her door wearing a low-cut tank top and jean shorts that showed her butt cheeks. (This is the woman who, after talking to her on the phone for about 4 minutes to set up the meeting I perpetually referred to as the "Possible Smoker." I was right) When we came into her living room, not only did she not turn the blaring television off (or even lower the volume) but she actually laid down on her couch while we were interviewing her. Very professional.

One thing that has really helped in the Crazy Wade is Facebook. Do you know how many people don't have their profiles set to private? Thank god, or else I would have ended up meeting a 300lb teddy bear collector named Betty who has Facebook photo albums entitled "Baby Angels" (contains 14 pictures of, yes, baby angels), "Winnie the Pooh, Betty Boop, and Tinker Bell, too!" (14 pictures), and "JESUS" (39 artist renderings of Jesus in everyday situations, guiding the faithful). I am not making this up.

I truly hope that we find someone not crazy who can take care of the babies, and I hope it happens soon. I don't know how many more weird Betty-like surprises I can take in this search, and unfortunately in that "JESUS" album there was no picture of a lost mother-of-twins being guided toward finding the perfect caregiver.

 This was taken from Betty's JESUS album